29 Differences Between North America and Europe

19 May

Shoes on a rope

1) Being Naked in Front of Members of the Same Sex:
N. A.: nightmare to be avoided at all costs
Europe: not a big deal
2) The Location of 16 Year-old Girls:
N. A.: somewhere I'm not

chart showing drinking ages in europe

Europe: the bar table beside you, drinking beer, with huge tits

map: drinking ages in europe

3) Dirty Bar Glasses:
N. A.: ran through washing machine with hot water for minimum of 30 seconds to kill bacteria beer glasses in belgium
Europe: dipped in cold dirty sink water then reused

maybe Belgian glasses like this can't be put in a dishwasher. regardless, they do the same thing (5 second rinse) in prague where the glasses are uniform in size

4) Raw Chicken:
N. A.: radioactive. avoid handling. if touched, thoroughly wash hands under hot water

kiekekot leuven

Europe: not given two shits about

Kiekekot in Leuven, Belgium. Half-chickens for 5 Euros. Last time I visited here I saw the chef eating raw chicken in the back with his bare hands. In the butcher shops in the town, the butcher would handle raw meat, cash, and door handle with the same unwashed bare hand.

5) "1" in an Elevator:
N. A.: ground floor

Europe: first floor above the ground

my Canadian friend told me that when he visited Paris, he found fresh dog shit in his hotel elevator

6) Hats:
N. A.: often worn by non-children on casual social occasions

Europe: rarely worn by adults
7) Bed Sheets (Not Mattress Cover):
N. A.: commonly found above mattress below duvet/blanket

shit the bed maybe

Europe: non-existent

brown stain on bed sheet, May 3rd, 2007

8) Written Form of the Number One:
N. A.: Written form of number one in North America
Europe: Written form of number one in Europe
9) Decimals:
N. A.: 10 dollars = $10.00 k-fed gs off
Europe: 10 euros = €10,00

when I wanted to withdraw cash upon arrival in Brussels, the ATM said I could withdraw "10,00 – 100,00 – 1000,00". I had to ask the dude beside me which was €100. pic: kfed

10) Cheers-ing:
N. A.: clank glasses and then deal with liquid

gay ninja crouches


gaze deeply into partner's eyes while clanking. failure to do so is said to result in seven years of bad sex

11) Pork & Sausages:
N. A.: often avoided for health reasons

european gross sausage c-section

Europe: consumed indiscriminately

 Cock? Intestine? Cleft Anus? Probably all of the above.

12) Music that Can't Stop / Won't Stop:

N. A.: hip-hop

europe trance party

Europe: techno & trance

14) Post-Clubbing Activity:

N. A.: fighting in parking lot

kebab without pita

Europe: eating kebabs

pic: kebab without pita or sauce

15) Smoking:

N. A.: lame

Europe: cool

controversial French anti-smoking ad. caption: "smoking is to be a slave to tobacco."

16) Content of Joints:

N. A.: marijuana, spit

a. swartz getting weededed

Europe: marijuana, tobacco

a. schwartz weededed

17) IIHF "World" Hockey Championship:

N. A.: insignificant

dummy with helmet

Europe: most important championship in hockey

18) "Old":

N. A.: circa 1920 golden girls group photo
Europe: circa 1400

19) The N Word:

N. A.: taboo, especially with harsh "~er" sound at end

chevy chace richard pryor n-bomb

Europe: part of casual parlance

chevy chase's n-bomb SNL skit with richard pryor

20) Sidewalk Decoration:

N. A.: a hopscotch court drawn in chalk by children

Europe: dog shit

21) Wongs:

N. A.: mainly circumcized

male circumcision data

Europe: au naturel

global map of wong circumcision prevalence

22) Garment Covering Cock & Balls:

N. A.: boxers or boxer-briefs

gay european dudes, or italians, in underwear

Europe: tighty whities

pic: The Hague

23) Wack Posturing Hiphop Thugs:

N. A.: abundant

Europe: less prevalent

24) Floss:

N. A.: used orally, as flood/plaque eliminator

hoser with butt floss in zurich

Europe: used anally, as butt cheek separator

pic: zurich

25) Human Traffic

N. A.: walk on right side of sidewalk, same as road traffic

stupid chicks playing football in underwear

Europe: no system

sidewalk in front of Louvre, Paris

26) Percentage of Hot Women:

North America 2.34%
Europe 3.98% (excluding the U.K.)

north american blonde bimbo

north america

european brunette barbie


tub of lard barbie


27) Activity For Day Off:

N. A.: playing poker online in sweat pants

European man in white cotton linen

Europe: eating olives on yacht in white linen

28) Head & Shoulders Shampoo Bottle:

N. A.: hide from girl so she doesn't know you have dandruff

turban made out of bees

Europe: used by girl and your whole family

pic: man with turban made of bees

29) Duration of Average Relationship:

N. A.: 2 months

Europe: 5 years

pic: courtship of green turtles

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Works Cited


Flaubert, Gustave. Madame Bovary. (1856)

Flynt, Larry. Hustler. Issue #239 (1982)

Griswald, Clark. National Lampoon's European Vacation. (1985)

Spielberg, Steven. An American Tale: Fievel Goes West. (1991)

White, E.B. Charlotte's Web. (1983)

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