15 Tips for Being Successful in Business

For Future Executives, MBAs, Global Leaders

1) Don’t socialize — sexualize

You see Brenda over there? Take her top off.

2) Hit the jim hard

Jack off in a sock then hang said sock from your golf bag.

4) Never look back

You’d probably just see people giving you the finger.

5) Don’t be an uncool minority (hairy, religious, dark, etc)

6) Get an internBusiness Law #291: there’s a cocksucker born every minute

7) Pretend to be a disciple of an Asian philosopher

Sun-Tzu: “The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.”
Translation: spread rumours about your rival being a neo-nazi

8) Marry someone who sucks

hot insider tip: easier to cheat on if you never loved her

9) Put musical instrument in your orfice

11) If you fail, get up and try again to pretend you weren’t really trying

12) Offshore your pooning

Be a sex-tourist in South East Asia

14) Outsource your masturbation

Hire an intern to touch your weiner.

15) Pretend you’re Jewish

14) Never piss in the urinal

If people see your dick, they’ll know your secret

13) Know 3 black people

but no more (re: business law of threes)

11) Give child-like nicknames to coworkers to establish superiority over them

9) Be secretive about your past to enhance mystique

(and hide unbroken chain of dismissals and your overall lack of qualification)

8) Pay your dues

to political parties, escorts, and judges

6) Resource Management

Create a “Resource Room” for retarded employees

4) Pee on things (hint: pheromones)

3) Work like nobody’s watching

2) Fuck everyone over

1) Never question why you want to be successful

profit poon and maui 2004

Cheers from Maui,

Minoru Kusoda

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