29 Differences Between North America and Europe

Shoes on a rope

1) Being Naked in Front of Members of the Same Sex:
N. A.: nightmare to be avoided at all costs
Europe: not a big deal
2) The Location of 16 Year-old Girls:
N. A.: somewhere I’m not

chart showing drinking ages in europe

Europe: the bar table beside you, drinking beer, with huge tits

map: drinking ages in europe

3) Dirty Bar Glasses:
N. A.: ran through washing machine with hot water for minimum of 30 seconds to kill bacteria beer glasses in belgium
Europe: dipped in cold dirty sink water then reused

maybe Belgian glasses like this can’t be put in a dishwasher. regardless, they do the same thing (5 second rinse) in prague where the glasses are uniform in size

4) Raw Chicken:
N. A.: radioactive. avoid handling. if touched, thoroughly wash hands under hot water

kiekekot leuven

Europe: not given two shits about

Kiekekot in Leuven, Belgium. Half-chickens for 5 Euros. Last time I visited here I saw the chef eating raw chicken in the back with his bare hands. In the butcher shops in the town, the butcher would handle raw meat, cash, and door handle with the same unwashed bare hand.

5) “1” in an Elevator:
N. A.: ground floor

Europe: first floor above the ground

my Canadian friend told me that when he visited Paris, he found fresh dog shit in his hotel elevator

6) Hats:
N. A.: often worn by non-children on casual social occasions

Europe: rarely worn by adults
7) Bed Sheets (Not Mattress Cover):
N. A.: commonly found above mattress below duvet/blanket

shit the bed maybe

Europe: non-existent

brown stain on bed sheet, May 3rd, 2007

8) Written Form of the Number One:
N. A.: Written form of number one in North America
Europe: Written form of number one in Europe
9) Decimals:
N. A.: 10 dollars = $10.00 k-fed gs off
Europe: 10 euros = €10,00

when I wanted to withdraw cash upon arrival in Brussels, the ATM said I could withdraw “10,00 – 100,00 – 1000,00”. I had to ask the dude beside me which was €100. pic: kfed

10) Cheers-ing:
N. A.: clank glasses and then deal with liquid

gay ninja crouches

Europe: gaze deeply into partner’s eyes while clanking. failure to do so is said to result in seven years of bad sex
11) Pork & Sausages:
N. A.: often avoided for health reasons

european gross sausage c-section

Europe: consumed indiscriminately

 Cock? Intestine? Cleft Anus? Probably all of the above.

12) Music that Can’t Stop / Won’t Stop:

N. A.: hip-hop europe trance party
Europe: techno & trance

14) Post-Clubbing Activity:

N. A.: fighting in parking lot kebab without pita
Europe: eating kebabs

pic: kebab without pita or sauce

15) Smoking:

N. A.: lame
Europe: cool

controversial French anti-smoking ad. caption: “smoking is to be a slave to tobacco.”

16) Content of Joints:

N. A.: marijuana, spit a. swartz getting weededed
Europe: marijuana, tobacco

a. schwartz weededed

17) IIHF “World” Hockey Championship:

N. A.: insignificant

dummy with helmet

Europe: most important championship in hockey

18) “Old”:

N. A.: circa 1920 golden girls group photo
Europe: circa 1400

19) The N Word:

N. A.: taboo, especially with harsh “~er” sound at end

chevy chace richard pryor n-bomb

Europe: part of casual parlance

chevy chase’s n-bomb SNL skit with richard pryor

20) Sidewalk Decoration:

N. A.: a hopscotch court drawn in chalk by children

Europe: dog shit

21) Wongs:

N. A.: mainly circumcized

male circumcision data

Europe: au naturel

global map of wong circumcision prevalence

22) Garment Covering Cock & Balls:

N. A.: boxers or boxer-briefs

gay european dudes, or italians, in underwear

Europe: tighty whities

pic: The Hague

23) Wack Posturing Hiphop Thugs:

N. A.: abundant

Europe: less prevalent

24) Floss:

N. A.: used orally, as flood/plaque eliminator

hoser with butt floss in zurich

Europe: used anally, as butt cheek separator

pic: zurich

25) Human Traffic

N. A.: walk on right side of sidewalk, same as road traffic

stupid chicks playing football in underwear

Europe: no system

sidewalk in front of Louvre, Paris

26) Percentage of Hot Women:

North America 2.34%
Europe 3.98% (excluding the U.K.)

north american blonde bimbo

north america

european brunette barbie


tub of lard barbie


27) Activity For Day Off:

N. A.: playing poker online in sweat pants

European man in white cotton linen

Europe: eating olives on yacht in white linen

28) Head & Shoulders Shampoo Bottle:

N. A.: hide from girl so she doesn’t know you have dandruff

turban made out of bees

Europe: used by girl and your whole family

pic: man with turban made of bees

29) Duration of Average Relationship:

N. A.: 2 months

Europe: 5 years

pic: courtship of green turtles

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Works Cited


Flaubert, Gustave. Madame Bovary. (1856)

Flynt, Larry. Hustler. Issue #239 (1982)

Griswald, Clark. National Lampoon’s European Vacation. (1985)

Spielberg, Steven. An American Tale: Fievel Goes West. (1991)

White, E.B. Charlotte’s Web. (1983)

—- –

12 thoughts on “29 Differences Between North America and Europe

  1. Suzana

    Great article! Nevetheless I must comment on the washing off. Glasses usually go first to the cold water – to get rid of the skim in the glass,that´s right. However, then they are washed in the “box” with warm water, soap and brush, next to the first box. After this the soap is rinsed in the cold water again. According to my experience, it´s really true that belgians wash glasses in the way you described:) and also, not every czech pub follows the style i mentioned;)I am happy being european especially because of the no. 4 :-)

  2. Suzana

    bahaha. i meant 14 :D yes to kebab but no raw chicken :D

  3. admin

    kebab’s are good… when you’re drunk. looks like a giant elephant leg

    thankfully in north america, the after-clubbing fighting is mainly confined to the vicinity of drunken idiots.

    chill people get slices of pizza =)

  4. Zlato Chango

    I can vouch for some of these. Suzana’s got the facts on the pub glass hygiene situation.

  5. Dom

    The legal drinking age in the UK is not 16, it’s 18.

    • TrickyDickie

      Its 16 if you have a meal with it in a restaurant. 18 without a meal.

  6. ed

    look im in Australia and after looking at both sides i think that the whole thing is just tiered i mean at first the lets target the country who is always made fun of that’s original idea was funny for like a day but after that once you really look at it alot of the things putting down america can applied to the EU and anywhere else in the world so i think we can all agree that the main difference is geographical

  7. TheSmartestEver

    Ok, in America we eat pork and sausage all the time, what are you talking about? also, last time i had a hotel in paris the bed had a sheet (although the pillows were so small you’d need a magnifying glass to see them)

  8. Anonymous


  9. Anonymous

    I am Frank Sinatra

  10. Anonymous

    50% right 50% wrong……

  11. Peoria

    Comical. Agreed. There is a lot of pork and sausage eaten here, but some avoid it like the plague and then you have people like me who are in between. tobacco w/ weed… disgusting. Tobacco use? get educated please for your own benefit. % of hot girls. Whoever took those numbers must be blind in the US at least. Europeans.. put some more clothes on. You are not that good looking :D and even if you are, are you sure people want to look at your naked asses. why would you want your nads squished up in underwear. You need to breathe down there. You’ll get a rash.

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