For Future Executives, MBAs, Global Leaders
1) Don’t socialize — sexualize
You see Brenda over there? Take her top off.
2) Hit the jim hard
Jack off in a sock then hang said sock from your golf bag.
4) Never look back
You’d probably just see people giving you the finger.
5) Don’t be an uncool minority (hairy, religious, dark, etc)
6) Get an internBusiness Law #291: there’s a cocksucker born every minute
7) Pretend to be a disciple of an Asian philosopher
Sun-Tzu: “The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.”
Translation: spread rumours about your rival being a neo-nazi
8) Marry someone who sucks
hot insider tip: easier to cheat on if you never loved her
9) Put musical instrument in your orfice
11) If you fail, get up and try again to pretend you weren’t really trying
12) Offshore your pooning
Be a sex-tourist in South East Asia
14) Outsource your masturbation
Hire an intern to touch your weiner.
15) Pretend you’re Jewish
14) Never piss in the urinal
If people see your dick, they’ll know your secret
13) Know 3 black people
but no more (re: business law of threes)
11) Give child-like nicknames to coworkers to establish superiority over them
9) Be secretive about your past to enhance mystique
(and hide unbroken chain of dismissals and your overall lack of qualification)
8) Pay your dues
to political parties, escorts, and judges
6) Resource Management
Create a “Resource Room” for retarded employees
4) Pee on things (hint: pheromones)
3) Work like nobody’s watching
2) Fuck everyone over
1) Never question why you want to be successful
Cheers from Maui,
Minoru Kusoda
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