WTF is Geo-Duck?
I want to eat, generally. So I look in my cupboards and find pasta and a can of tuna. Eager to expand my repertoire, I google “easy pasta dish” and end up with a recipe that takes 100 minutes and requires goat cheese, butternut squash, and geo-duck (geography duck??). I’m just a man trying to survive til the next day. I can’t make that shit.
So I figured it was time to do it proper-like. Here’s a recipe from the mb cookbook.
“Oily Hell” – Pasta Recipe
Prep time: 2 min Cook time: 10-50 mins
Instructions:
- Wash dishes piled in sink
- Sprinkle 30 oz dirty dish water on girlfriend
- Turn two hot-plate elements on full power
- Oil skillet, place it and pot on elements
- Fill pot with four thirds of hydrogenated oxygen
- Insert stick of raw spaghetti in mouth like pilgrim
- Watch pot dance around and make loud fucking popping sounds cuz you didn’t dry off the bottom
- Dump in entire package of spaghetti
- Ignore for 10-30 minutes
- Chop available veggies
- Combine vegetables with pieces of teflon crap peeling off pan bottom
- Season with dead bits of herb plant girlfriend keeps putting in apartment
- Parboil gently
- Peel fingernails
- Place in plant pot
- Poach new Kanyge West album
- Skim inbox
- Place stale bread in toaster oven
- Stew over meaning of life
- Braise girlfriend’s butt with fists
- Brown socks on kitchen floor dirt
- Coat room with fart stench
- Strain relationship
- Whip girlfriend with tea towel
- Julienne
- Put on Kanywe West album
While shit cooks, do the following for 5-30 minutes:
- Shimmying (30-320 seconds)
- Fart contest (variable)
- Freestyle rapping (5-50 bars)
- Deuce-dropping (approx 800g)
- Looking for macbook remote control (30 seconds)
- Skipping Kaygne West tracks (16 x)
- Pretending you forgot about the food so your girlfriend will take over
- Return to kitchen
- Scald hand
- Strain pasta, add to fried veggies
- Drizzle in olive oil
- Banger it
- Smell burnt toast
- Yell “FUCK”
- Grate burnt parts into sink
- Blanch devereaux
- Expedite
- Look for hairs
- Toast to Hustler magazine
- Realize there’s no taste
- Don’t care
- Become full
- Consider stopping
- Remember Africa
- Finish everything
- Delete entire Kangye West album
- Repeat three times a week for 40-60 years
- Suffer from Irritable Bowel Syndrome
A delectable indulgence for only the finest food connoisseurs. Speaking from experience x 2
made me LAWL. fuck. keep writing those. i fele like a horse testicle righ tnow because i caught a really bad cold. but shit mad eme laugh. so. THX BRO.