15 Tips for Being Successful in Business

28 Jan

For Future Executives, MBAs, Global Leaders

the key to success in business

1) Don't socialize — sexualize
You see Brenda over there? Take her top off.

2) Hit the jim hard
Jack off in a sock then hang said sock from your golf bag.

4) Never look back
You'd probably just see people giving you the finger.

5) Don't be an uncool minority (hairy, religious, dark, etc)

6) Get an intern
Business Law #291: there's a cocksucker born every minute

7) Pretend to be a disciple of an Asian philosopher
Sun-Tzu: "The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting."
Translation: spread rumours about your rival being a neo-nazi

8) Marry someone who sucks
hot insider tip: easier to cheat on if you never loved her

9) Put musical instrument in your orfice

11) If you fail, get up and try again to pretend you weren't really trying

12) Offshore your pooning
Be a sex-tourist in South East Asia

14) Outsource your masturbation
Hire an intern to touch your weiner

15) Pretend you're Jewish

14) Never piss in the urinal
If people see your dick, they'll know your secret

13) Know 3 black people
but no more (re: business law of threes)

11) Give child-like nicknames to coworkers
to establish superiority over them

9) Be secretive about your past to enhance mystique
and hide unbroken chain of dismissals and your overall lack of qualification

8) Pay your dues
to political parties, escorts, and judges

6) Resource Management
Create a "Resource Room" for retarded employees

4) Pee on things (hint: pheromones)

3) Work like nobody's watching

2) Fuck everyone over

1) Never question why you want to be successful

 

profit poon and maui 2004

Cheers from Maui,

Minoru Kusoda

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